I’ll make my way into my bathroom to wash my face. When I look up into the mirror I will not cringe at the reflection, I’ll like what I see, it will give me a satisfying feeling, even with my hair up in a messy bun and my baggy pajamas on. I wont go straight to the scale, nor will I check my phone in hopes to see a text from him.
I’ll go downstairs, smile, and tell my mother good morning. Then, instead of skipping breakfast, I will get out my favorite cereal no matter the calories and grab an orange. I’ll sit down with my little brother, talk, and eat without feeling regret.
Once I get upstairs I will pick out my cutest outfit, not having to worry about needing long sleeves to cover my scars. I’ll do my makeup just right, and I’ll get to school on time. I’ll feel confident and beautiful. I will smile at everyone and genuinely laugh and make conversation with my friends. I will go through the day without worrying about the judgements of others.
The second I get home, instead of sleeping to avoid food and stress, I’ll grab an apple and some peanut butter and I will finish all of my homework, then I will go to the gym.
I’ll get back home feeling great, I wont lock myself in my room and tell my parents I already ate, I will eat dinner with my family. I’ll tell them about my friends, classes, anything. We will talk and laugh together instead of fighting.
After taking a warm shower I’ll do little things that make myself happy. I’ll cover myself in brown sugar body butter, put on my favorite pajamas, and draw in my sketch book a little while listening to my favorite music.
Then I will put everything away, set my alarm, and lay down to go to bed without once looking at the scale, or checking my phone for his texts.
And finally, in that very moment, if even for just a second, I will realize I have come to peace with myself. I will have no one specific on my mind, my work will be done, I will be content, happy with my body, my mind, and my spirit. I will not need anyone nor will I be concerned with superficial, materialistic things.
I will be free of worry.
One day.
Sadly, people only see what they want to see. Today way too many people are full of hate & self loathing and yet to weak to change. I am sorry they lash out at you, for all their own evils that they can't deal with. Looking at your blog I just see life, beauty & youth. There is a time for everything, this is your time to shine in the sun. Thank you for sharing a small part of yourself with all of us.
^^^this.
Thank you. So so much. I love this. <3
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